“And drunken women laugh
At a train bound for nowhere
And a heart meant for no one”
“Never, ever chase a man. It will always end in misery.” She remembered the warning that was issued that night on the train. “Was it really only two days ago?” She thought to herself as she leaned against the door of the truck.
She recalled the cackle, the insidious call out to the other women with her on the train. They were all sisters. She was jealous. She wanted to be on a train with her four sisters. But her sisters were nowhere to be found. It was as if they disappeared when she moved to Chicago. She wondered how it was that sisterhood was left to the way side just at a time when she needed them the most. She wondered if she would even be on the train bound for nowhere if they had been more a part of her life. The past year was riddled with insults and criticisms over her leaving her hometown. A chill ran up her spine as she thought of the email correspondence that delivered message after message reminding her only of her failure as a mother, a sister, a woman. She was broken, damaged and trying to heal from far too many years of neglect.
“Can you believe this one? She is chasing love! Ha, well, listen sweetheart, Jen lives in Broad Ripple, here is her cell phone number, if you find he isn’t there, call her, she will take you in.”
The words were sincere, but, she wouldn’t need it. She was self-sufficient, and if worst came to worst, she would make it through. There was a part of her that almost hoped he wouldn’t show. That way, there would be no doubt that it was over.
“Well, that is water over the dam” she thought, I am here now, where is he, my train leaves in less than three hours?” That feeling of desperation was rushing in. She desperately wanted to stay and run all at the same time.
She turned to see him staring at her through his window, just gently gazing at her as if he was in a dream. “Hi, I missed you,” he said softly.
She couldn’t breathe! The heaviness in her chest was rising into her throat. Oh, she wanted to just cry, to say, it, just say it over and over again. “I love you, I love you!” But, she couldn’t, it was stuck, nothing could pry it out of her at that moment. She just smiled, fighting back the tears.
He climbed into the truck and reached his hand out across the seat and softly touched her fingers. “Your little hands, they are so precious. You know, you are just you. There is no other way to say it, you are just…”
She stopped him, she didn’t want to hear him say her name. Saying her name right now would be the worst thing in the world. She needed to be on a return trip home in three hours. No matter how she felt, no matter what he said now, she couldn’t get the image of the silver haired witch out of her mind, nor could she undo the reality, that he had moved on. “Trust your gut, trust your gut,” she thought, pleaded with herself.
As he started up the car, he said, “hey, I want to show you something. I want you to see where my sister lived. Boy, do I miss her. Do you want to see where she is buried?”
“If you want to share that with me then, of course, just remember, I have to be at the terminal early to get my ticket.”
As they were driving along in very unfamiliar territory for her she suddenly felt oddly comfortable. She felt safe, maybe she hoped the spirit of his departed sister would protect her. Kindred spirits, after all girls stick together, right? You know last night you called out my name in the middle of the night, and said, I love you. But, then again, maybe there is someone else with my name in your life.” She smiled, he just looked straight ahead.
Driving around the downtown area was refreshing. There was life. It was no Chicago, but it wasn’t a little town of barely a thousand either. The one nice thing about the weekend was she did see stars, and birds, other than pigeons.
“Hey, baby, are you hungry? I want to take you to the market. It is where my sister’s coffee shop was.”
How could she resist coffee, especially coffee from her kindred spirits shop? “Sure, that would be nice.”
The clock was ticking. Time was speeding, almost at the rate of her heart. A heart meant for no one.
